Why Shouting at Children Doesn't Work in the Long Run: A Must-Read Guide for Hong Kong Parents

In many Hong Kong families, parents may feel pressured and pressed for time to yell at their children for repeated disobedience, procrastination on homework, or sibling rivalry. While such yelling may seem effective in the short term (the child stops and appears to obey), it can lead to more problems in the long run.

Why is shouting at a child not a long-term effective method?

1. The mechanisms of brain and emotional response

When children are yelled at, their brains are more likely to activate a "fight-or-flight" mode rather than a "learning mode." Research indicates that:

• Shouting can make children feel threatened, thus causing them to lose their ability to rationally understand or cooperate.

• Long-term, intense verbal discipline (such as shouting) is clearly associated with behavioral problems/depressive symptoms in adolescence.

• Some studies have even found that frequent, harsh verbal discipline is associated with changes in brain structure, such as the amygdala/prefrontal cortex.

2. Short-term obedience ≠ long-term respect or internalization

Yelling might make a child "stop immediately," but that doesn't mean they understand why they should stop, nor does it guarantee they won't repeat the mistake. Research indicates:

• Children who are frequently yelled at are more likely to develop into rebellious, withdrawn, or depressed individuals.

• Damaged parent-child relationship: Children may feel that their parents are "opponents" rather than supporters.

3. Challenges in Hong Kong's Culture/Environment

• Hong Kong parents often face time pressure (tutoring, transportation, dual-income families) – under such circumstances, emotional outbursts (shouting) can easily become a quick reaction.

• In cramped spaces, multigenerational living/foster homes, and close-knit families, shouting may be more frequent and more easily heard by children or become the "norm".

• Traditional Chinese parenting emphasizes "respect for teachers" and "obedience," but research shows that simply shouting obedience cannot bring about true understanding and internalization.

II. Alternative Strategies: Feasible Methods in Hong Kong Families

1. Pause and Calm

The moment you feel like shouting, stop: take a deep breath, leave the scene for 1-2 minutes (if it's safe to do so), and calm yourself down. This act of "stopping" itself is a model for teaching children emotional management.

2. Use specific and clear instructions + empathy

For example, saying something like, "I know you're still playing with the blocks because you like it. But now it's almost time, so let's put the blocks away together and then go eat, okay?" is more likely to get a child to cooperate than simply yelling, "Hurry up and put away your toys!"

3. Establish a culture of connection and prevention

• In Hong Kong's fast-paced life, finding 10 minutes each day for parent-child interaction "without phones/tutoring/electronic devices," such as telling stories together, taking a short walk, or playing a game, is more effective in building emotional connections than discipline alone.

• Parents can schedule "family rules time" with their children in advance: once a month, to discuss routines such as "how we play/how we tidy up/how we get ready for bed" with their children. This makes children feel involved.

4. After the shouting has already occurred, take remedial action.

It's okay if you yelled, but the important thing is to go back to your child afterward and say, "I'm sorry, Mommy was too hasty. Let's calm down together, okay?" This kind of repair is more important than simply ignoring it.

5. Prepare an "emotional care kit".

Given the high level of pressure faced by parents in Hong Kong, it is recommended that parents also have time to relax—such as taking a short walk, taking deep breaths, writing in a journal, or talking with friends. Stable parents lead to more stable children.

III. Small steps you can start today

• Whenever you feel like shouting, press your hand against your chest for 3 seconds and take 3 deep breaths.

• Before going to bed, do a simple review: "Did I shout today? If so, how can I do it differently next time?"

• Make a "Family Communication Agreement Card" with your child and post it in the living room. The content could include phrases like "We speak in a calm tone" or "If it's too noisy, we'll stop for a minute before continuing."

Conclusion

In Hong Kong's fast-paced, high-expectation, and cramped parenting environment, yelling might occasionally have an "immediate effect," but in the long run, it doesn't build a child's sense of responsibility, self-discipline, or trust between you. What truly works in the long run is calm communication, emotional connection, clear instructions, and parent-child cooperation . When you're willing to stop yelling and try a different approach, you'll see your child's responses change.

Thank you for reading! If you found this article interesting or helpful, please register on our website : https://hksafekids.com/pages/contact Get special offers and exclusive content. Don't forget to follow us on social media and stay connected:

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@HKSafeKids

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HKSafeKids/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/hksafekids